I'm Back

Last week is final examination day and case study deadline. It was a busy week. But I am happy that I only have on more subject to go and hence I can finally settle and start with the review. I'll be having a schedule up tonight so that I can be able to monitor my progress. I hope to stick with the schedule.

Today is a busy day. I have some unfinished work to do and it is the day to have them accomplished.

Almost There

Although I have not reviewed for my exams tomorrow there are reasons to smile:
1. after the exams this week I only have one subject left for my Masters. Plus Comprehensive exam.
2. My Comprehensive exam is in August and there are few lessons reviewed so far. The good thing is, all my materials seems to be tacked under my table labeled properly. It seems that I had a time during my free hours where my OC self surfaced and did the organizations.
3. Movie marathon is possible now with my new DVD player. I donated the old one to Julia since she has been using it since birth. I love that little girl. Even if sometimes she is sooooo naughty.
4. I have reasons to go home early and sleep/stay on bed early. :)
5. My coughing subsided. I am now healing. Maybe by Friday I can start shopping with the fam.

I have more reasons to smile. But I can not write them all here. I am just happy to have a wonderful family that seems to make me happy even when I am unreasonable.

Moving forward. One step at a time.

Apprehensions

I have been having a "space" lately. Lots of space. which means I am lagging behind schedule. Much more than I should be. There seems to be no energy left when I get home and have to go straight to bed. Here are the things that has been clouding my mind:

1. If the application push through, how will I finish my paper on time?
2. There are so many issues popping up lately, how will I tell him that he might have to let me go before he does? 
3.  Am I ready to do this? In a sense that, am I ready to let go of the perks that I get from this no-guarantee-of-tenure position? The perks? Great friends, familiar work, management responsibility, Huge responsibility, and other things that I can  not identify now since I still have them with me. 
4. Am I ready to do this? If I am part of the team, it would be no problem. But I am in-charge of the team. Even if I am not here most of the time, the responsibility is there. Should I leave it now?
5. Money, Money, Money. Am I that rich? It seems everyone has been sending me text messages asking for a loan. With Che is okay since I know that what she borrowed is something that is not actually life changing, but the two text I received this week is domestic related money issue.
6. Can I really handle construction of the house this year? But I wanted to have a house of my own so badly. I am losing a lot of time, pretending we are coping with the present arrangement.
7. Where the hell is my Uncle who is supposed to start discussing with me the details of my house and how are we going to deal with the budget issue.
8. I want to start with my business so badly but I can't do so many things at the same time. :(
9. I feel unwell.
10. Should I cancel the interview today?

Done with the mind dump. Now, let me see your comments.

Chicken Run

When it comes to review, I stick with schedule. I strip down lessons and principles,one by one. I was not able to master them all but I learn how everything becomes part of a loop where I can keep tab on something not so familiar topic. For a month before the board exam, I breathe and lived with books and notes alone. My only break is Sunday dubbed as "movie/coffee-pasta gig". That was when I took the board exam for Chemical Engineers.

Seven years after, here I am. Way behind schedule and no plans yet on how to tackle the review. I am lost. You see here some strong points that I have but couldn't place on how to use them for this upcoming exam:

1. I can write. Blog, articles, business plan, technical plan
2. My work and academic background revolves on technology- transfer, processing, products

Unfortunately,

1. I can't write long compositions. I tend to make report brief and concise. 
2. I argue. Always playing Devil's advocate.
3. Full-time working (management, technical) and long traveling hours.

I am hoping to start the review officially and maintain it as planned but even with several attempts, it just keep on going back to square one: missed schedule, unexpected meetings, sickness.

But one have to start. I will start again. this time, i'll take it more seriously. will work harder.

Wit

I hate to admit this but because of  fear from committing mistakes, a day with the boss around makes me so scared and nervous. Sometimes, I feel like quitting because everyday feels like a challenge that is full of guessing game. But if one would look at it closely, there would be others who will exchange shoes with me if permitted. They love being with the boss, talking with the boss, even lectured by the boss. I am scared of that. Committing mistakes, explaining myself to the boss. It is making me restless. Not because I don't have the self-esteem and skills but I am scared of falling short from expectations. Maybe, it's me all along. Having that too high expectation dragged me around feeling terrorized. This should stop.

Should I call it quits then? Where would I go after this? Teaching? Back to the technical world where routine makes you feel old and outdated? Should I be writing online instead? Tend the house, cook, garden and be happy until the hubby comes home? Sigh. There must be some answer to this.

Since I started working, it feels awkward talking to the boss aside from reporting about my job. This is no different from the other jobs that I had. It is the same: no private life issues tackled with co-workers particularly those with the boss. So here I am, avoiding my boss if possible. I dont talk to him that much unless needed. Is is bad? to be aloof with the boss?

It is thursday. An enjoyable week so far, except for the minutes that I submitted late for his signature there was no problem encountered. Now, if only he will give it back to me soon...our meeting starts 2pm and it is still on his table...my bad.